Distance Myself

Wednesday, November 27, 2019
Assalamualaikum and hi all :)

It has been awhile I didn't write something personal here. Sometimes aqma rasa nak take off from everything. I feel exhausted tapi tulah kita ni manusia. Memang kat dunia ni bukan tempat kita bersenang lenang tapi tempat kita berkejar2 kumpul ibadah dan amal kebajikan. Kat akhirat nanti lah tempat rehat yang abadi.

I believe all my hard work will be paid off if I trust the process and keep going. Allah nampak my effort untuk berjaya tu. Just me, myself and I je jangan sombong untuk terus berdoa supaya ALLAH berikan kekuatan dan istiqamah. I'm just a simple human being that sometimes broken into pieces. I become dont know what to do and keep myself shut by sleeping. I feel safe and relax when I'm sleeping. When I feel stuck, I choose to sleep to recover myself.

Korang pernah tak rasa nak tido je? Tak nak buat apa2 not even eating. Kadang2 tv or youtube pun dah tak give any excitement to you. All you want to do just lying on the bed and sleep. I can sleep easily when I lying on my bed even I'm watching my favourite show. Don't know what happen to me actually. Sometimes I feel tired to think. I dont want to use a single cell of my brain at all. Astagfirullahalaziim.. Nikmat ALLAH mana yang kau dustakan ni aqma?? Brain and akal are such a great blessing from ALLAH to the human being.

Ada juga aqma terfikir adakah I'm in the middle of depression? Sometimes I cannot browse social media at all cause when I saw something extravagant, I feel small, I feel bad about myself. Then mula la bunyi2 suara halus yang akan down-kan diri sendiri. "Kenapa aku tak cantik macam dia? Kenapa aku tak kaya macam dia? Macam mana dia buat dapat macam tuuu?" Jadi insecure. Padahal I'm such a positive person. Tapi like I said earlier, I'm just a human being yang kadang2 rapuh juga...
Hence, the reason why I choose to express my feeling in my blog and on social media detox. I'm exhausted.

Apa2 pun thanks a lot uols yang sudi baca my luahan hati till the end.
I just dont feel right about myself. I notice that my eating, sleeping pattern are all messed up. May ALLAH guide me the right way to express myself in positive way. In shaa ALLAH.

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